I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
