The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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