remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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