I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Randomize
