my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
