First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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