is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it glows. i had to have it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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