I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
