Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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