The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
