Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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