When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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