so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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