you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
