I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
