Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
