My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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