dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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