So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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