maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
