I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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