Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
