you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You may now shotgun with the bride
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize