Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize