i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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