the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm at about main and main street
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize