i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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