That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
