Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
