Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
