Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We left the knife in your bed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
