They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
