My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
that's an acceptable place to lick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
