Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
