fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
