you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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