but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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