he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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