u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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