Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
