So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
