i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
