I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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