Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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