Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
