omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
