Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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