I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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