just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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