Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
