There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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