I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
