I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
