During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he fucked my hip out of place.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
