if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
