You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
