Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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