I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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