But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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