i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
