It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your dad touched me again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
