Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
