Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
