i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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