hotel room ftw
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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