i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
