He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
