Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
