it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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