bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
