thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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