Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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