What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
